I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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