yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
