how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
