I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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