Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
