Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize