That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
