ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
