i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Found your dick twin last night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
