This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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