idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
