see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My penis needs a shock collar
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
