I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
