Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i need some magic done to my vagina
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
