Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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