I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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