i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
