youre lurking in front of me
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
