Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
