I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
last night I used snow as a chaser
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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