i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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