why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
