Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
