yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
