I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
