Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize