I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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