thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
