gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
