I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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