Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
