Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
