getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
