Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
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I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
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I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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