I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
