I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
