I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
