i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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