is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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