i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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