And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
