I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
