We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
