I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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