I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just pee around me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
