M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
