and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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