he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
