The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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