And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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