The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
