just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
