dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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