:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
