i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
