made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
