k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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