This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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