I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
BRING THE BAGELS
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
