we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
