Can i not drive my cunt home
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
