I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
