Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
