you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
40s are totally the cure
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
