i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize