my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize