I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
