Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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