I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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