i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
