it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
