I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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