I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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