just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
