Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
