Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
