cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
