Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
